clarkatroid is not folding

Its 2am and im trying to stay awake so my bodyclock is conditioned for what hopefully will be a few night shifts when wcoop starts in 2 days, i dont want to play poker, so heres some random poker blog thoughts

i think theres more variance than most players recognise. Its taken me a long time, and 2 million hands to realise this. last year i went on a 6 month heater at 5/10, winning at an average of 5pt bbs over 1/2 a million hands. At the time i had no idea if this was normal, now i know it isnt.

It all came to an end when i lost 30k in december, through a combination of playing drunk one night, which was the catalyst, and reading coles souths online 6 max poker e-book. I learnt my lesson from the first one and havent played drunk since, but the poker e-book really destroyed my game for a couple of months. It was a fancy piece of reading alright, using buzz words like combinatronics etc. But i figured at 1800 bucks per copy, the content should be shit hot, and i tried to implement the strategies in an effort to improve my game . the general theme is to play tight but fight for every pot. In practice spewed up all the the gaff

It was the equivalent of having a stroke but in poker terms. losing 30k shattered my confidence. That was last december and i havent played 5/10 full time since. i spent 2 months at the start of the year grinding 2/4 trying to find my old game back and barely broke even

What have i learned from that experience, apart from dont play pissed? Well that poker is still in its infancy as an industry and dont believe everything you read. The reality is that you can win at poker playing very laggy or very nitty and everywhere in between. No one system is right. You can also win playing really aggro or relatively passive postflop. There is no one definative guide to winning. just tips and pointers along the way
Its up to each individual to find his on style.

What im trying to say is watching poker videos or reading tons of strategy doesnt make you a good player as theres so much contradictory and misinformation out there. This is a different outlook from when i first started playing, when i thought pokerxfactor and pocket5s were the dogs balls. I was in every training site, now im only in one. i used to read all the forums, now i only read 2p2 msnl and hsnl. i find most training videos boring. Im not trying to say i know it all because im still an average reg, but ive watched maybe a hundred vids, and to be fair i dont think theres much else to say.

Ive learnt more from playing volumes, and watching other good players at my table than any training aid

Ive learnt to learnt to leave virtual felt when i have no edge a the table. this happens a lot. Most players think they are better players than they are. I used to think i was gods gift to poker when i was slam dunking 40k a month last summer. Now i know my place. I know which regs i have an edge on, and why. i know who has my number, and why.  Poker is the most dellusional game ive ever played. Everyones an expert

people from outside poker cannot in anyway relate to what a grinder does. Most people look down on you as some sort of degen gambler

i still get really mad when i get outdrawn. in every pot. i cant help it. The stress of playing is huge. its the most stressful job ive ever done

its the most lucrative thing ive ever done. thats why i play tons of hands each month but its still less than 35 hours a week. It all feels too good to be true. Im playing a lot, as i dont think i have much time left before the games are too hard. im amazed at the lack of volume some of my peers contribute

you go on huge heaters and long coolers. trying to keep a level head when things arent going your way and not tilting is the hardest part of the job. working for 15 days at the start of the month, grinding up your profits to 15k, then getting them wiped out in 2 sessions is damn difficult to handle. but it happens. i usually have at least 2x10k downswings a month so you think i would get used to it, but i still want to jump off blackpool tower everytime one hits me

im boring myself writing this so apologies to anyone reading it, im just trying to send myself to sleep